Fashion: Is there any hope for me?

Here's some more Hadley Freeman for you, this time addressing the age-old question of heels: why, how, why, what, why, why, and–the big question–why? Enjoy.

"Why don't boys wear dresses?"

Below is a link to "Ask Hadley," Hadley Freeman's feature in the Guardian UK. Freeman is the only fashion journalist I know of who employs an actual sense of humour when writing about la mode. She's not afraid to take the piss when piss needs–demands!–to be taken, and, with fashion, that's most of the time.

The first bit is about Keira Knightley's odd photo look. Read, but continue on to the real gem, question 2: "Why don't boys wear dresses?" Not only is Freeman's answer spot-on, but this is how all answers should be given to three-and-three-quarter-aged questioners.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/25/fashion.women

(The photo, by the way, is from a fashion spoof site: The Dorcus Line.)

Yes, It Is A Recession

How to Fabulize Your Wardrobe

I was in a café with some friends recently when the French Waitress, employing her Charming French Accent to good affect, approached a member of our group.
“Excuse me,” she said. “But may I ask you a very intimate question?”
“Uh, yes,” responded my surprised friend.
Conversation ceased immediately. We were all all ears.
“Who is your shirt?” asked the serveuse.
My friend gave the name of a designer. The other members of our table, disappointed, resumed talking.
“At least you didn’t have to say Forever 21,” I quipped.
“Or H&M, like the rest of my wardrobe,” she replied.
This little episode set a thought process going in my brain. Why not Forever 21*, but with a twist?

Toujours Ving-et-un

Per Sempre Vent-uno

Immer Einundzwanzig

Sounds...mysterious. Foreign. Stylish. I should write ad copy for a living.
Really what I’m doing is borrowing a technique from the cosmetics industry, where making up vaguely French-sounding names and throwing in a few redundant accents for good measure has long been industry practice. Consider: Hydrience, Prevage, Curél, Pharmagel’s Eye Beauté (yes, beauté is a French word but why not “beauty”?).

Target has long been mocked as Targé, but other options are: Die Zie, La Cible or L’Objectif. I particularly like L’Objectif. It sounds so Central Intelligence Agency.

Consider: La Vielle Marine; Die Lücke; Nove Ovest.** If you’re wearing H&M, be sure to say Hennes and Mauritz–most people won’t figure that out. Or go one better and Swedish it up with Hennes och Mauritz. Uniqlo is already hipster-fabulous. To out-hipster the hipsters means learning a little Japanese pronunciation: Kabushiki-gaisha yunikuro. Better yet: 株式会社ユニクロ.

*Their despicable labour practices is why not, but that’s for another post
** I make no claims as to the legitimacy of these translations¬–but then, neither do many retailers with theirs.